The Motherhood of God

The Motherhood of God

Just to be clear, this is not a post about feminism.  I don't consider myself a feminist, per se, although my husband says I am when my five-foot-tall self tries to do everything myself and exert myself as bigger than I am.  Anyway.  This is not about feminism.  It's about the completeness of God and His character.

My whole life, I've heard God referred to as Father.  I've listened to many lessons and sermons about how He is the Father to the fatherless.  And He is.  Through Jesus, He adopts us as sons and daughters.  What a gift!  Jesus Himself referred to God as the Father, and I don't discount that at all.

But if God is who He says He is--all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present, the alpha and the omega--then He is both Mother and Father to us all.  

Look for a moment at Hosea 11.  I came across this passage once when reading through the Bible, a journey I highly recommend.  In this section, the minor prophets, I read page after page of God's disappointment with Israel.  Over and over, the people sinned, they repented, God blessed them, then they strayed again.  Then we arrive at Hosea 11, the chapter aptly titled, "The Lord's Love for Israel:

When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called My son.
The more they called them,
the more they departed from Me.
They kept sacrificing to the Baals
and burning offerings to idols.
It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them in My arms,
but they never knew that I healed them.
I led them with human cords,
with ropes of love.
To them I was like one
who eases the yoke from their jaws;
I bent down to give them food.  (Hosea 11: 1-4, HCSB)

Doesn't this paint a picture of God's love, much like a mother's love?  Teaching the children how to walk, embracing them, healing them, bending down to feed them.  And then the heartbreaking, gut-wrenching pain of watching them fall.  And yet, even in God's anger:

How can I give you up, Ephraim?
How can I surrender you, Israel?
I have had a change of heart;
My compassion is stirred!
I will not vent the full fury of My anger;
I will not turn back to destroy Ephraim.
For I am God and not man,
the Holy One among you;
I will not come in rage. (Hosea 11:8a-b, e-f, 9-10, HCSB)

Y'all, let's be real.  Only Mamas say, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!" And those same Mamas turn in compassion.  How can I give you up? One more verse to prove my point:

For this is what the Lord says:
I will make peace flow to her like a river,
and the wealth of nations like a flood;
you will nurse and be carried on her hip
and bounced on her lap.
As a mother comforts her son,
so I will comfort you, 
and you will be comforted 
in Jerusalem.  (Isaiah 66:12-13)

Our God's love is both fierce and compassionate, providing and nurturing.  All the goodness you'd find in a perfect father, combined with the best of a mother's character.  As mothers and fathers, we all resemble Him in some of these ways, but He encompasses all these characteristics.  And His love for us is complete!

So, on this Mother's Day, no matter what your life looks like, you are loved by God better than any earthly father and more than any earthly mother.  You can run to Him with your hurts, and depend on Him to care for your needs.  His love for us is complete and we can only be complete in Him.  Happy Mother's Day!!

What He really wants to hear

Last week I posted a long, detailed article about talking to your spouse, or anybody.  The main point was that instead of going on and on about the details, or getting defensive and blaming, we simply tell the other person how we feel.  This can be very freeing, but it takes courage to be vulnerable.  With practice, we learn to express ourselves better and truly strengthen our relationships.

But all of that can be found on the internet or from your local psychologist.  My lightbulb moment had to do with taking this a step further. 

I've been a Christian most of my life.  It's been a crazy journey, this walk of faith.  (More on that later.  Much more.)  But you'd think by now I'd know how to pray.  And I do, of course.  I can clearly recount times in my life when I've heard Jesus speak to my heart.  I've journaled my prayers, spoken them aloud, used the Adore-Confess-Thank-Supplicate method, and read books on prayer. Yet recently, I've been awakened to a new way to pray.  He whispered:

 Just tell me how you feel.  Unburden your heart.

I don't need to pray every night for my children's future;  I need to tell God how I feel about their future and surrender it to Him.

I don't need to recite long lists of requests; I need to tell Him how heavy my heart is when I hear all the stories.

I don't need to pretend that I'm ready to adore, confess, and thank; I need to tell Him how tired I am, how stuck or defeated or burdened I feel, and simply ask for His help.

The words of Isaiah come to mind:  "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me" (Isaiah 29:13). 

How many times have I come near to God--so near--with my mouth and honored Him with my lips, but my heart has been closed? 

I am convinced that the Lord doesn't want us to be anyone but ourselves in His presence.  Does this show Him disrespect?  I think not.  We are called to trust and obey, but not to be fake. 

Will you give this a try sometime this week?  Find a quiet moment and just tell God what's on your mind--what you're worried about, frustrated with or even excited about.  Take the knowledge that He knows all about you and allow His love to be a balm to your soul.  I'd love to hear your stories!

Learning how to talk

Alice in Wonderland, talking to my oldest.  Isn't she listening well?

Over the past two years, we've been learning how to talk to each other.  I'm sure my husband would prefer I talk a little less, but that's neither here nor there.  What I mean is, we are being taught how to really say what's on our minds without cutting the other person down.  The hope is that if we can learn this, we can teach it to our kids, the boys who live with us and their families.  It's been life changing.  So, let me see if I can explain it instead of going on and on about it. 

Whenever something bothers me, instead of finding someone to rant about how much that bothers me, or better yet, yell at that person for being around me when I'm bothered, I need to say how the thing that bothers me makes me feel.  For example:

I've just spent an hour cleaning up messes in the kitchen, living room and dining room.  When I left my bedroom an hour before, the bed was made and things were in some semblance of order.  Now, it's obvious that someone has been jumping on the bed, there are naked Barbies on the floor, the cat just vomited in the bathroom, and the newest Disney movie is playing on the TV for the one thousandth time this week.  

Here's how this usually plays out:

"I can't believe this room is such a mess!  All you people ever do is make messes!  I guess I will never get to do anything I want to do because I will spend the rest of my life cleaning up messes!"  And I'll start stomping around, angrily picking up toys and laundry, handling things less gently than required. 

This is embarrassingly easy to write. I've said all of these things in moments I'm not proud of.  Maybe you can relate.

My husband might take the defensive and say, "Stop it!  I've been working hard all day, I don't feel well, and I just want to chill out for a few minutes."  Or he might say nothing, and just start angrily cleaning.  Or he might try to convince me I just need to relax.  None of these responses are what I'm looking for, and whether there's more to the conversation or not, we both feel hurt and angry.  

Sound familiar?  Well, let's look at a different ending to this scenario:

"I feel so overwhelmed by the task of cleaning.  I am frustrated that my hard work doesn't seem to make a difference.  I would really like your help cleaning up so that we can all enjoy the rest of our day."

What I'm hoping to hear in return is, "I understand your frustration.  Keeping things clean is hard, especially when there are little children around.  I'll be glad to help."

While this approach may seem simple, let me point out a couple of keys:
1.  Instead of listing out what's wrong, I say how I feel.  
     I feel overwhelmed by the task of...

     I feel frustrated that my hard work... 
     I feel sad when...
    
2.  The heart wants to be validated.  This is so, so important.  I don't want to be talked out of my feelings, reasoned with, or persuaded.  That's why, unless the other person validates the feeling, no response will help.  
      I understand your (feeling word).
      I'm so sorry you feel __________.
      It must be

really hard to __________.

3. If I need help, I ask for it.  If I don't ask for it, the other person doesn't need to give it.  When I'm crying about spilled milk, I may not want someone else to clean up the milk.  I may just want a hug.  So I've had to learn to ask for help, and he's had to learn not to offer it unless I ask.  

In my next post, I'm going to talk about how all of this translates to our spiritual lives.  I'm so excited to tell you what I've figured out!

The Joy Home Fireplace

It's March.  In Georgia.  We keep saying that this is the last fire of the season.  And then it gets cold again.  So Tim builds another fire.  Oh, the warmth and the comfort, not only of the fire, but the way it gathers the group together to share stories and laughs.  Someone will get out a board game or the girls, inevitably, will put on a "show" consisting of twirls, giggles, costumes and bossy big sisters. 

I'm amazed that in this picture, you don't see all the dirt that this fire causes.  Ashes, bark all over the floor...oh well.  I will miss it though.  The Farmer's Almanac says that the last frost date for us is March 29th.  That's tomorrow!  Already, the pear trees and cherry trees are in bloom.  The grass (cough, cough) is coming up in the fields and the bright yellow of forsythia can be seen all over the county.  

It's been a long winter, though.  Let's look back for a minute more.  

We had a lot of snow, especially for Georgia!

Do you want to build a snowman?  Wait!  Too late, now it's in my head.  arg.

 Sorry about the nasty cut on my hand, y'all.  But I just had to share.  This chocolate peppermint milkshake from Sonic was so, so good.  Until next winter!

I'm not gonna cry.

Ok, here goes.  Good bye, winter!  May spring last longer than a couple weeks and may this summer be mild and full of fun.

I like lists

During our first year of marriage, I read a book about the first year of marriage. Imagine that! It wasn’t a great book; I think the author could have summed up his points in a few pages.  Nevertheless, he stated 5 things a wife should give to her husband, and I have kept these in mind since then:

1.       An Attractive spouse

2.       Domestic support

3.       Sexual fulfillment

4.       Adoration

5.       Recreational companionship

I’d love to know if you agree with these, especially if you're a man.

I have often wondered what the list would look like for the husbands.  Tonight, as I lay on the couch and tried to figure out what in the world my problem was this question occurred to me again.  Oddly enough, I came up with a few answers.  Now, I know that men think that women are complicated, but I really think it boils down to 3 simple things:

1.       I need him to be the SPIRITUAL LEADER of our family. 

2.       I need him to PROVIDE for our family’s needs and some of our wants.

3.       I need to know that I’M IMPORTANT to him. 

I’m confident that the next question will be, “how can I make you feel important?” Well, you can’t really make me feel anything.  Part of the responsibility is mine, because I can interpret almost any gesture as affectionate or malicious.  My perspective may be a little off at times, and I need to work on that.  However, I believe that if he makes an effort (of any kind!) to show that he really does value my presence in his life, I will know it.  Listening to what I have to say, no matter how trivial it may seem, makes me feel valued.  Watching a show that I like once in a while says, “You’re important too.”  Asking for my opinion is huge.

As for spiritual leadership, to me this means initiating spiritual activities, modeling and enforcing godly values, and prayerfully considering decisions before they are made.  Confession:  it's hard for me to relinquish the reigns of leadership here.  But by letting go of the illusion of control, I am trusting in and empowering my husband.

When I say providing for our needs and wants, I do not mean that he is the sole bread-winner.  I simply mean that by taking on the responsibility for family finances, the wife can trust that she'll be taken care of, come what may.

So there are my late-night ramblings for today.  This note is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be instructional or demanding.

Meditations

"The Jews had light [a dawn of new hope] and gladness and joy and honor."  Esther 8:16, AMP


I am almost finished with Esther:  It's Tough Being a Woman, by Beth Moore, and I really don't want to be.  She pushes me and asks me the questions I need to ask myself.

Today I just happened to use the Amplified Bible for my study, because it was within reach.  I love this version because it gives you all the meanings for the translated words so you can get the full effect.  And in place of "happiness," as in the NIV, was the word light.

Light.  Precious, glorious light.  In the Hebrew, this word is translated as happiness, light, and a dawn of new hope.  Excuse me while I bask in that for a moment. 

Thanks.  It's light that I'm needing these days:  sunlight to warm my skin and lift my mood, just the right light for pretty pictures of my girls, and especially, the Light of Hope to bring happiness and a newness. 

While I realize that happiness and joy are different, (happiness depends on what happens to us; joy is an inner light that isn't dependent on circumstances) there are clear moments in life when we need to just be free to be happy.  As Beth puts it, "when God intervenes in our circumstances and we get a chance not only to know we're blessed but feel blessed, nothing is more appropriate than seizing the happy moment."

In Esther, the Jews' mourning was turned to light/happiness, their fasting turned to gladness, their weeping to joy, and their wailing to honor. 

In Jesus' name, may His light shine on us.  May He free us from all the expectations, judgements, and wishing and put us on the right road, united TOGETHER.  May we seek not the approval of others, but only the will of the Father. Amen.

 

Outside Time




A pensive look from Yo Yo the Cat.



Hurray for actually doing something outside today.  The cool weather and the cloudy days make me want to curl up on the sofa and drink coffee--all day, every day.  Tim and Annie are content with hours of television. It's when I actually get my behind in gear and do something different that I feel better.  So, on this day, while sitting on the swing set, I got the idea that we might make some s'mores in the old outside fireplace.

Annie was delighted to pick up sticks for our "camp-out" fire. 

Suddenly, the whole family was astir.  Annie and I collected sticks for kindling.  (And tidied up the yard-bonus!)  Tim cleaned out the fireplace, and we all soaked up a little sunshine in the process.  Even Yo Yo tagged along for the adventure.  I meant to take some pictures of the fire and s'mores, but I was too caught up in enjoying some much-needed family time and eating myself silly.

Quick tip for s'mores:  a clean, unused fly swatter makes a perfect marshmallow roaster.  Just pop off the plastic part and you have two marshmallow tongs, a nice handle, and the perfect length to keep hands from getting hot.  But be sure to pick up an extra one in the spring, cause I didn't find any at the dollar store this week.



Pinecones are great firestarters!